Sunday, November 2, 2014

Who Da Thunk?

  Halloween night is always kinda fun.  Each year we fill up a large salad bowl with candy and dutifully distribute it to the goblins and the like that come to the door.  Almost all the costumes are really great, even the babies and toddlers.  Almost always we get a 'thank you' as they part.  However, this year I saw something that I had never seen before in my lifetime, both from the receiving side when I was a kid, to present day when I am the giver.  It wasn't scary or horrifying but it was a big surprise.  I have to preface this account by saying that our treats are pretty good.  I'm talking Hershey bars, M&M's, Skittles, Whoppers, 3 Musketeers, Milky Ways, etc.  In fact, I hope there will be leftovers for me after all is said and done.  Anyway, one of the door ringers opened up his bag and I am just about to drop a handful of goodies into it when all of a sudden, he closes up his bag tighter then Scrooge's strong box (oops, wrong holiday) and exclaims "I don't like those!" and turns and leaves.  I was stunned.  I never had a dissatisfied Halloween customer before.  The incident put a damper on the rest of my evening but we managed to make the rest of the clients that came to the door go away happy.

Never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Friday, October 24, 2014

Very Cheesy!

  I came across this and send it along with my apologies!  The only thing missing is the "ba-boom" after each one:


Saturday, October 18, 2014

One Of Those Mysteries Of Life....

   I can be well into my day and neither my house phone nor cell phone has made a peep.  However, if I should be on one of them, the other is sure to ring.  Why is that?  Does one get jealous of the other? Perhaps it has something to do with Quantum entanglement.  Or I may be eating lunch and the phones decide to spring back to life.  Invariably, it is a junk call which makes the disturbance even more bothersome.
  Well, I got that off my chest and I feel much better.  Thanks for listening!

We have become the tools of our tools. - Henry David Thoreau

Friday, October 17, 2014

Kids Say the Darndest Things...

  Now that I am a grandparent, I really enjoy seeing little ones during the course of the day and it reminds me how much I miss my grandkids who are too far away. Thinking of them reminded me of Kids Say the Darndest Things which was an American comedy series hosted by Bill Cosby that aired on CBS as a special on February 6, 1995, then as a full season from January 9, 1998 to June 23, 2000. It was based on a popular feature with the same name in Art Linkletter's radio show House Party and television series, Art Linkletter's House Party, which together aired mostly five days a week from 1945 to 1969.  Growing up, I remember the House Party program on TV and even as a kid, I particularly enjoyed the kids segment. Click here for a sampling.
  And continuing in that vein, here are some more bits of wisdom from the Little Folk:

- Grandma was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before.  After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking  about kissing the toilet paper good-bye.

- My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My  grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?
- After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?           

- A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

- My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

- A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read.

- I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!

- When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.

- When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6.

- A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said... "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'.

- Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child.                         
- A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day whena fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck.." A third child brought the argument to a close. They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants.

- A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she livesat the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.

- Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

- My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.