Refreshing Some Memories

Recently, a cousin asked about my thoughts on some family members that have passed. After replying, I thought I would add them to my blog:

Dear L_____

  My recollection of your dad was that he was a smart guy. I always thought so because managing and owning department stores must be no small task, especially since I have seen a lot of stores in my work and met a lot of managers. I think Gram mostly affected Uncle _____'s personality. He seemed to be a no nonsense guy where everything was mostly black or white. I think Uncle J___ and Dad were more like Gramp where they were both more mellow.

  I never heard that my dad was the favourite of the three. Maybe that was the perception by his brothers. My memory of my dad was that he was quiet unless I stepped out of line. I remember that he was vehemently non verbal about his participation in WWII and the Korean War. Never talked about it at all. One exception when I was a kid lying on the living room floor watching a war movie on TV and made a stupid remark. He walked up one side of me and down the other for my comment. That was the only time I got a rise out of him about war.

  I have few memories of my dad because I really wasn't around him that much. When I was young he was overseas for a good deal of time. The family split up later when I think I was about ten and I then lived with Gram and Gramp. I think K_____ lived with Uncle J____ and Aunt M____ at this time.  Then Dad remarried and I moved back with him and my step mom, G____, and three step brothers.. I think I was about thirteen when I went back to Gram and Gramp's. Not sure why the move back. He stayed with G____ until his death. I am still in touch with her occasionally. I stayed with the grandparents until I was on my own.

  As far as Gram & Gramp go, I cannot sing enough praises of them.  I often kick myself for not doing so while they were still living. You are absolutely right, Gramp was a sweetheart. He was a sensitive guy who would tear up when the occasion warranted it and even when it didn't. He loved everyone in the family and his face often showed it though he seldom verbalized it. He worked hard and I loved tagging along on those lucky days when he would let me be a bag boy at Sampson's Market or hang out with him when he visited his buddies at Swift on Commercial St. in Portland.

My little brain did not realize the sacrifices they made for me while living with them. Gramp continued to work instead of retiring because they had a kid to support. When Gramp passed away, Gram went back to work. Yup, I was a dumb kid.

  Gram was a smart lady. Very proper and no nonsense, though she did have her moments of levity. She could hold her own in any situation, whether it was commanding the kitchen at Colby College or discussing articles in the Congressional Record with Senator Muskie. I have fond memories of the fantastic holiday meals that were laid before us on the table covered with the protective panels and lace table cloth. The extended family all gathered round. The yeast rolls and apple pies are most prominent in my mind!

  After Gramp passed away, I would occasionally hear Gram sob late at night when I was in my bedroom. Looking back, I wished I had gone to her and comforted her. Like I said, I was a dumb kid.

A good formula for life:

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.” 
― Walt Whitman