Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Shadows And Clouds

  "You can't teach an old dog new tricks!"  I always thought that was narrow minded thinking.  There is always something new to be learned.  I think most everyone knows that.  Following that line of thought, consider this; you can always learn something new about yourself.  Or perhaps you can accept or even improve an aspect about yourself that you probably knew all along.
  I have noticed a behaviour pattern about myself.  It is probably a very common characteristic among many people but I find it interesting to try and step out of myself to observe it, figuratively speaking.
  How I feel about myself, my surroundings, my work, my leisure time and other people not only depend upon me, but also depends on many external influences, some which I can control and some which I cannot.
  I can go through my day and everything is going swimmingly and then an event will take place that will put a kind of shadow or dark cloud over my head for the rest of the day.  Ever have that happen to you?  I never really stopped to think about it until yesterday.  I think what brought it to my attention was having multiple events happening together.  Most of the day went okay until late afternoon.  A neighbour came to the door which set of my dog into a barking fit.  That caused me to be cross with my pet.  Shortly after that, there was a barrage of ringing on my door bell, I suspect a kid in the neighbourhood pulling a prank.  Of course, that set my dog off, again.  This short tirade of events caused the following to happen:
  1.  I yelled at my dog, and felt bad after doing so.
  2.  I was embarrassed to have my neighbour witness me berating my dog.
  3.  I felt violated because a prankster came onto the property and rang my door bell.
  Simple events, however, I had a gloom with me the rest of the day.  I think it all comes down to my being disappointed in myself for not controlling how I reacted and for what others thought of me.  It is simple human nature; for example, you get complimented by the boss and you are walking on air or you get chewed out and you are bummed out.  Simple self-esteem mechanics.
  So that's it.  My self-observation lesson, today.  I think the better we can understand ourselves, the better we can understand others.  After all, we are all in this together!

The human mind can bear plenty of reality but not too much intermittent gloom. - Margaret Drabble

1 comment:

  1. Totally know how you feel. I will have by perfect little day planned out. I have a smile on my face to wake the children determined to have a great day. Then Violet doesn't like the cup she got. Jessica wants to bike and lily wants a ride. I get a phone call, involves me having to look up information ...can't find. Anyway that is too often my day and at the end I feel frustrated, guilty for not accomplishing my to dos and yes of course bad for losing my patience with my kids. But wow I feel great when Violet puts her arm around me and tells me I am her best buddy, that is cloud nine!

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